New Year, New Challenge

It’s the first day of the New Year!  I’m pretty excited about all the things that this year will hold, specifically studying in Philly, celebrating my sisters graduation from college and my grandparents 50th year of marriage, being the maid of honor in my friends wedding, living in my own apartment for the first time, being in Holland (MI) over the summer, starting my senior year at school, and other things along those lines.  I’ve got to tell you though, one of the things that I’m most excited about in this new year is growing in my faith and learning to meet with God in new, more rich ways.   

            I certainly have not been perfect in my practice of this Big Challenge so far.  Quite the contrary actually!  I’ve known for a long time that I struggle with being faithful in keeping up with a lot of things: exercise regiments, plans to study x amount of hours a day, writing in my journal every day… basically anything that I can’t ever finish is a struggle for me.  I run out of steam when the process is literally never ending.  I was talking to my Grandma about this yesterday, and we joked about starting the “Haters of Eating Less and Exercising More Club” (HELEMC) … yeah, we’re going to have to work on the name haha but the point is, it’s so hard to stay true to the plan of eating less and exercising more, especially when it is intended to be a lifestyle change rather than a diet.  It really sucks!  The same is true with spiritual disciplines in that they are also “a lifestyle and not a diet.”  It has been said that the Christian faith is a marathon not a sprint, and that’s true.  Paul talks about the need to press on until we finish the race, but it’s really hard to press on indefinitely.  If I’ve learned anything from the first month and a half of this challenge, it’s that my own strength runs out pretty quickly!  I’m learning that I need to rely on God in order to make it through each day. 

That’s actually an answer to prayer in itself because I am a very self-reliant, proud person.  I know that’s really not good (to say the least) so in the past few weeks I’ve constantly been praying that God would show me my weaknesses and how much I need him.  I’ve also been praying specifically that God would renew my desire for him, and give me a real need to spend time with him every day.  I’ve been amazed by the ways that God has been faithful to me in this!  Whether he quickens my heart while I read about the desperation of others to draw near to him, as in the Left Behind series, or see how God speaks to people in the Touched By An Angel series, I’m always left wanting that for myself.  That desire has transitioned into a need that I myself have to meet with God every day.  As a result of this, my Bible study has become so much more than an opportunity to cross something off my list.  It has become a source of inspiration and understanding instead. 

For the month of December, I had decided to focus on the spiritual discipline of meditation.  I wanted to learn to soak in God’s words instead of just rushing through them.  I had many high and low points with the practice of this over the past 31 days, but through it all I’ve learned a lot too.  I’ve learned that rather then just sitting somewhere and thinking about a Bible verse, in order to really process God’s words, I need to write about it.  That’s where my journal comes in :) It’s funny because at first, it was really easy for me to ignore the idea to journal about some things that God was showing me, but as the month went on, the Holy Spirit became more insistent to the point that I have felt that I literally MUST write things down or I’d burst!  Journaling has been so fruitful for me… I love it!

I want to share last night’s journal entry with you, at least parts of it anyway.  So here it is:

“…I was a bit sad when I came to bed tonight.  In about five days Deborah and Sarah fly back to school and a few days after that, I fly to Philly for my scary, potentially life-changing internship.  More then that though, this is Deborah’s last Christmas break/our last “guaranteed” family Christmas. 

            I was a little depressed that it’s almost “over,” however God has been really amazing lately with meeting me in my Bible study.  Today, right after I was thinking about “the end of life as I know it” (yes, I have a tendency to be melodramatic), I randomly turned to Isaiah 43 and read from the passage where God says:

      See, I am doing a new thing, now it springs up, do you not perceive it?

I was left thinking, in the words of my sister Joanna, I see what you did there God! Haha I realize that God is telling me that even though things are changing, even though we’re moving into uncharted territory, we’re still family and God is still in control.  He is doing a new thing, and like everything he does, it will be beautiful.  I just have to keep trusting him and moving forward.   I have to let go of the way things have always been so that I can see and perceive this new thing when it springs up.  I don’t want to be left clinging to the phantom of the past when God is giving me the opportunity to be a part of the exciting future that he has planned.”

As you can see, even in the little things, God has been meeting with me and changing my perspective.  I think that’s what meditation is all about.  It’s not just thinking deeply about some words that God has spoken in the past.  Rather, it’s about hearing him speak in the present and letting his words transform the way we see and react to the things that are happening in our world. 

Hearing God’s voice is a lot more complex than I thought it would be, especially considering that I thought all I had to do was sit down with my eyes closed and wait.  This month has shown me that it’s bigger than that.  God speaks to me through Scripture and then shows me an opportunity to apply it.  That’s meditation to me because in order to apply something, you have to think about what it means, how it impacts you and others, and the possible outcomes of thinking/acting in that way.  The phrase used to describe meditation in the dictionary is ‘to ponder something.’  I think that’s what I’m doing, and I really like it! 

            So, even though my practice of meditation this month has not been the most consistent, I’ve really learned a lot.  Meditation (and journaling) will definitely be something that I take to Philly with me!  I’ve learned that I can’t/don’t want to go through life without turning to God, sitting at his feet, and hearing what he might say to me.

Btw, I’ve decided to focus on submission in January.  I think this will be beneficial because I need to submit my time, finances, and habits to God, but in addition to that, I need to submit my internship and time in Philly to whatever purposes God has for me.  Pray for me as often as you think of it.  I have a feeling that this spiritual discipline will be harder to practice than I think it will be.   

Praying God’s blessing on you in 2014!

Rebekah